Pure: free from anything of a different, inferior, or contaminating kind; free from extraneous matter.
Purity: the condition or quality of being pure; freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes, etc.
One thing that has been difficult for me for a long time has been the issue of purity. Ultimately, I know that it is my heart that has to be dealt with and, by the grace of God, He has been and continues to work with me on the issue. Purity is so much more than a sexual thing, though it is a big portion of it especially in our generation. As I was watching a sermon online regarding purity, they suggested to go to this website. I knew it was in regard to purity but I didn’t know much about it.
The site publishes the results of what is called the “Modesty Survey”. Many women got together and formulated questions to be addressed to guys in regard to clothing and purity and what causes men to stumble. The list of 148 questions were assembled and put in the form of a survey. The survey was then given to over 1600 Christian men in a 20 day span of time. The result is information from guys of the average age of 17-18 but ranging from 13 to 50+ about what causes them to stumble and even what they find attractive. I think it is definitely beneficial to be aware of what causes one another to stumble and how we can encourage and edify each other.
The survey can be found here: http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/
Below, I have written to men and to women specific messages in regard to purity. I would encourage that both men and women read over BOTH of these sections because it may give insight into how we can encourage one another. It might help to shed some light and wisdom on how men and women can help each other.
Men: You are NOT alone! Sometimes it can feel as though some of the issues we face with purity are ones that we are alone in. This is completely and utterly a LIE! We need to be available to one another to encourage one another to keep our minds and hearts on things above. We need to talk about these hard issues with each other so that we can be available to support each other in the midst of weakness and knowing one another’s weaknesses is a great step toward accomplishing this. First and foremost, though, purity is a matter of the heart. It’s not simply keeping my mind from looking this way or that way. It’s not just stopping looking at pornography. Here’s the reason why: if purity is the lack of any contaminants, we need to be filled with something else. If we are to remove impurity, we need to be filled with one thing. Now for the good news: you cannot do it on your own! “That’s good news?!” You don’t have to scream! Yes, it is! There is one who will provide the way out, the strength, the hope, and the release from this oppression. His name is Jesus. When you call on Him and firmly believe with all your heart that He can and will release you from this, He will bring you OUT! There may still be times of temptation, but He has always given us a way out and that way is to call on His name and think on things above. Fight, men! Fight to give your hearts over for the glory of God!
Women: While it is ultimately the man’s responsibility to guard his heart and mind, there are things you can do to help us.
First, pray for us. Pray that we are delivered from our depraved and warped minds. That God may deliver us, by the blood and cross of the Lamb, from our corrupted ways instilled by the world so that we might be turned over for the Kingdom work prepared for us in advance!
Second, be aware of how you dress. I know that there is a world of fashion out there that I admit I am uneducated about. I don’t really understand the whole “dress to impress” mindset and the need for top of the line stuff. There’s a lot that is said about a women in the way she is dressed. Scripture addresses this in a couple of different places:
“And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.” -1 Timothy 2:9-10 NLT
Attraction comes out of the overflow of a woman’s character and devotion toward the Lord. It is born out of her dedication toward Him. While a woman’s appearance can entice a man, a woman’s character (her TRUE inner beauty) enthrall’s him.
“Your adornment must not be merely external–braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” -1 Peter 3:3-4 NASB
It’s interesting to note that gentle and quiet here have slightly different connotations in the original language. Gentle = humble. Quiet = rested.
Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God. -2 Corinthians 7:1 NIV
This passage says it well in that our desire to be pure and live in purity is NOT for the sake of other people but rather out of reverence for God! It’s is honoring Him and glorifying Him and all that you do and are and wear.
Third, be aware of your words. The tongue can be a very divisive tool. It can encourage and propagate things that one does not intend. Be intentional about the things you say and check your heart when you say them.
Fourth, it is NOT a thing of law! Women, do NOT hear me saying, “You need to dress such and such and speak such and such.” What I do hope you hear me saying is, “Draw near to the Lord and seek Him about where your heart is on the issue. Be aware of how things are for men and seek the Lord about how you might help your brothers.”
ALL: I am man speaking from what I know. To the men I can give a specific message because I know what it is like to be a man. To the women I can only give advice from a male’s perspective. Ultimately, without any unnecessary detail, let’s open the lines of communication with one another. Let’s pray for one another and confess to one another and forgive one another. Seek the Lord about His timing and workings for all of it!
QUESTION: I would like to know from women, what do you think about what has been written here? What do you feel about the issue of purity? How is it different for women than it is for men? How is it similar? How can your brothers in Christ help you?
In case anybody would like to see the sermon on Purity, here’s the link. Just FYI: It’s a pastor’s wife speaking on the issue. She does speak very well and speaks words of truth so as far as I’m concerned, God’s filled her with the Holy Spirit to speak through her. If you’re uncomfortable with a woman speaking, I’ve forewarned you and you’re free to not watch it. http://www.lifechurch.tv/watch/forgotten-virtues/2
Thanks for this, Kacy. I appreciate your willingness to speak up about things you feel strongly about.
Almost every sermon/lesson/devotional/chapel talk I’ve ever heard about purity focuses on some of the same things you’ve mentioned — the need for women to dress modestly, but for men to take responsibility for themselves, and so on. And I think that’s definitely valid. A lot of times girls — especially high school aged, I think — really are not aware of just how much temptation guys face. We need to be aware of the effect of what we do.
But there’s a nuance that I think is generally overlooked. A chapel speaker one time said something to the effect of, “Ladies, don’t dress modestly just because of what your brothers might think; dress modestly out of respect for yourselves.” I think that’s key. If I truly respect myself, I’ll dress modestly because I don’t want someone thinking about me inappropriately.
(This way of looking at the matter is also less likely to come across as blaming women for what men think. I’m not accusing you, Kacy, or anyone else in particular of putting the responsibility solely on women — but it can sometimes feel that way even if that’s not the intent.)
In a related matter, many sermons/etc deal with the issue from a perspective that seems to me to be excessively male-focused. Women face a largely different set of obstacles to purity than men do, which aren’t very often addressed. Very high on that list is self-respect, like I mentioned above. If we don’t find our value in Christ and respect our bodies because of that, it’s easy to seek validation from men … leading to attention-seeking behaviors that in turn cause problems for men. It’s a vicious cycle.
As for how men can help women, be careful about the kind of attention you give us. There are guys of my acquaintance who don’t notice I exist unless I’m dressed up… That’s not okay. Don’t be like that. That’s not to say it’s inappropriate to acknowledge when someone looks nice, but it’s important to show that you value the women in your life for more than just that.